Sunday, January 31, 2010

Day 3

I am struggling.

I was so incredibly sick last night and this morning. I think that everything I gorged myself on these last 2 days decided to leave my body all at once....without any warning. ugh

I slept for most of today. I got up at 9 AM long enough to give myself my injection and weigh myself. That's all I could handle. I couldn't stand any longer.

By about 11:30 I was so hungry that I couldn't sleep any more. I got up and cut myself an apple and had a piece of melba toast. I wasn't going to eat the melba toast this first round of hcg, but I was SO HUNGRY! Let me tell you, melba toast is not the tastiest thing in the world. It tastes like cardboard, literally. However, when you are STARVING and a little dehydrated it tastes pretty darn good. :)

After my quickie snack I crashed back onto the couch. My 3 y.o. was watching Disney channel and I fell back asleep somewhere during either a Phineas and Ferb episode, or Hannah Montana. It's all kind of a blur. When I woke up, hours later, it was Wizards of Waverly Place. ugh.

It was around 2 and I figured I'd probably ought to eat some lunch. I got all my steaks out and cut the fat off, weighed them, and cooked them up for the week. It took 1 1/2 hours! What the?? So yeah, about 4 PM I'm finally eating lunch. I had steak with some grilled mushrooms. OH SO YUMMY!

At 5:30 I had half a grapefruit, my second serving of fruit for the day, and another piece of melba toast.

Dinner time came around about 1 1/2 hours later and I had some grilled tilapia and broccoli. Now, I have learned a very important lesson here: NEVER have fish for dinner when it is the LAST thing you will be eating. Fish is more of a lunch item. Steak is more filling.

Another important lesson I've learned: It's really hard to drink 94 oz. of water in 4 hours. I think I'm definitely going to have to spread it out tomorrow. However, it has been a lifesaver tonight, since I am still STARVING!

The hardest part though? I find myself walking into the kitchen and, out of habit, reaching for the fruit snacks, or the popcorn cupboard, or the cereal bag. Can I just say that pouring milk for my 3 y.o. today was one of the hardest things I've had to do? I filled the cup a little too full. Normally I just sip it down, and I caught myself with the cup halfway to my mouth before I realized that I can't do that anymore!! THIS IS SO HARD!

But, I'm determined not to cheat! It took every ounce of strength I had this morning not to beg my DH to go out and buy me some 7-up for my stomach. Instead, I sipped water and slept. It was just easier than facing the temptation.

The bright side is that I've already lost 4 lbs! haha

I'm hoping that tomorrow is better (easier) than today was.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Day 2 - afternoon

So, as I expected, I woke up with a GIANT knot in my stomach...again. I'm really hoping this gets easier.

Today giving myself the injection hurt. Apparently I have a bruise already. And I bled a little today. OUCH!

Today is my last day of food freedom. I have no idea what I'm going to eat today. We had pizza for dinner last night, and it wasn't very good. I do have a bag of Peanut Butter M & M's at work that I'm going in to retrieve.

I might even talk my fam into going to dinner at Magleby's Fresh or something. Mmm..... Magleby's. :)

Friday, January 29, 2010

Day 1 - late afternoon

UGH! If I have to eat one more thing today I am going to die!

Of course, I do have to eat more.

I've been trying really hard to eat as much as I can. Mostly the things I think I'll miss.

The sad thing is that I really don't think I'll miss them when they're gone. Like, I bought a peanut butter bar with chocolate frosting from the gas station this morning, and it took me 4 hours to eat it. It's still not gone. I finally gave up and gave it to my 3 y.o. to eat. And the pizza I had for lunch? I had to force myself to eat the whole thing.

I think my brain has already switched on and said "We are doing this NO MATTER WHAT! Don't shove any more of that CRAP in this body!"

I also think my stomach has revolted against me and shrunk. I couldn't eat for most of the month of December because I'd had gum surgery. Then, I was sick so I didn't eat because I couldn't keep anything down.

I am really looking forward to Sunday when I start my 500 calories daily. I already bought some of my food: steaks, chicken breast, Melba toast, and some fruits and veggies.

Is it weird that I'm so excited to be dieting? Isn't dieting something that people dread? I know I usually dread it. Maybe by day 20 I'll be thinking "Can't this be over?" but right now I am so totally excited!!

Day 1 - morning

I woke up this morning with a HUGE knot in my stomach. I don't know why. I was so excited to start yesterday when I signed up for the program.

Today is also a "load" day. That means that I'm supposed to eat as much as I can. Honestly, the thought of putting any food in my mouth right now just makes me want to vomit. I don't know. Maybe it's the knot in my stomach talking.

I laid in bed for about 45 minutes clutching my pillow thinking about plunging the needle into my leg. Even now as I type my heart is starting to beat a little faster, and the knot is getting bigger. My husband offered to sneak attack me with it, but I sent him to work instead. Maybe I should have taken him up on it!

I'm finding myself thinking of excuses why not to inject myself. "Oh, my 3 y.o. needs someone to play with him." "Oh, maybe I should shower first." "Oh, I could always do this first...." I need to just suck it in and stick the needle in my leg.

If only it were that easy.

Okay, I'm going to go grab my supplies. I'll be back in a second.....




Alcohol prep. CHECK
Loaded syringe. CHECK

Okay, just stuck myself in the leg. I honestly phsyically feel relieved that it's over. Like, I know it sounds weird, but I can feel the relief go through my body and the tension leave. The first little stab hurt a little, but the rest of it I couldn't feel. Wow. All that stress over nothing.

The sad thing is, I'll probably feel this same way tomorrow morning.