I woke up this morning with a HUGE knot in my stomach. I don't know why. I was so excited to start yesterday when I signed up for the program.
Today is also a "load" day. That means that I'm supposed to eat as much as I can. Honestly, the thought of putting any food in my mouth right now just makes me want to vomit. I don't know. Maybe it's the knot in my stomach talking.
I laid in bed for about 45 minutes clutching my pillow thinking about plunging the needle into my leg. Even now as I type my heart is starting to beat a little faster, and the knot is getting bigger. My husband offered to sneak attack me with it, but I sent him to work instead. Maybe I should have taken him up on it!
I'm finding myself thinking of excuses why not to inject myself. "Oh, my 3 y.o. needs someone to play with him." "Oh, maybe I should shower first." "Oh, I could always do this first...." I need to just suck it in and stick the needle in my leg.
If only it were that easy.
Okay, I'm going to go grab my supplies. I'll be back in a second.....
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.......
...............................................................
Alcohol prep. CHECK
Loaded syringe. CHECK
Okay, just stuck myself in the leg. I honestly phsyically feel relieved that it's over. Like, I know it sounds weird, but I can feel the relief go through my body and the tension leave. The first little stab hurt a little, but the rest of it I couldn't feel. Wow. All that stress over nothing.
The sad thing is, I'll probably feel this same way tomorrow morning.
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